My mother on M and I
I love my mother. She knows me so well.
Right now I’m getting my hair dyed
Should come out pretty ginger with some blonde
Then I’m driving back to Oly
And going to get fat at Olive Garden with Vanessa
Because she is one of my best bitches
Who knew I’d find such kindred spirits in a college where I stick out so bad
Also I want sex.
That is all.
Let’s have a fast and reckless love
Let’s fall for each other too quick and too hard and say things too early but mean them in the moment we say them without caring if we’ll mean them tomorrow
Let’s spend this summer wrapped up in each other’s threads and unable to conceive of spending a moment apart
Let’s stay up too late and get up too early and take hazy drives to places we don’t know and park on the side of the road just to lay in the grass or pick berries
Let’s spend our nights reading books and doing homework and just laying together because we’d rather be busy together than busy alone
Let’s label ourselves as star-crossed lovers and makes jokes about our future like we have a past
Let’s act like this is doomed and make every moment count with fiery passion and heart-felt gazes
Let’s laugh at other couples and how they let their lust subside and then kiss hard against the nearest wall
Let’s share our deepest secrets and eat too much and not call ourselves anything other than friends even though we’re both dying to be more
Let’s stay together until the sun starts setting earlier and our skin stops turning dark from it’s amber glow
Let’s part ways even though we can’t bear it to preserve this perfect memory this perfect summer together
And then at the last second
If this is what you really want
Let’s turn back to each other and accept that this can no longer be a doomed passionate love but one of comfort and knowing
And only then
Let’s love each other until we burn out the sun
Right now I want to be in Arizona.
Or anywhere in the sun.
I want to be close with someone.
I don’t want to be dating, and yet I don’t want to be casual.
I want to be whatever that magical in-between area is.
I want to like him and I want him to like me and I want us to be comfortable around each other. I want us to hold hands when we walk around. And I want to be twirled around and kissed. I want to jump up on him and ruffle his hair.
I want it to turn into something if that’s what’s right and stay the same if it’s not.
I want to stay up until the suns up because we find each other genuinely interesting.
I want it to be easy, no pressure to impress the other person. I’ll be me and you be you.
I want there to be cheap food and bad alcohol.
I want to be surprised when I least except it with nothing other than their company and maybe an awful movie. I don’t want you to think you need to woo me with fancy dates.
I think this is perfection.
A sweet and simple thing. Spring leading into summer. Laying together in the grass. Not talking. Breathing.
Passionate and soft at the same time.
Like the nerves of a first kiss mixed with the touch of a known lover.
I guess. I’m just lonely.
I want someone funny. I want someone that makes me smile. I want someone that is goofy and young inside and fun.
I want someone who wants to go on random adventures and shows up to hang out without any warning. I want someone who likes long pointless drives and is ok with just listening to music without conversation.
I want someone who will stay up talking to me until daybreak and someone who will come over just to be around me, regardless if I’m doing homework or reading or whatever, because being together is better than being alone.
I want someone who holds hands but also slams me up against walls in moments of fiery passion and makes me feel like a woman.
I want someone who can be friends and lovers.
I want someone who holds me safe and tells me I’m beautiful and other such real compliment words.
I want someone who doesn’t care that I get walked on sometimes and doesn’t think it’s a problem that I forever forgive people, and maybe if they do care they just let it go, because that’s just who I am.
I want someone who understands that I am flowers and sunshine and yet still have a past that is deeper than I will ever let on.
I want someone who loves food and loves eating and loves culture.
This time, I know what I want.
I just want it to find me.
Breathe. #text #pnw #washington #breathe