Right now I want to be in Arizona.

Or anywhere in the sun.

I want to be close with someone.

I don’t want to be dating, and yet I don’t want to be casual.

I want to be whatever that magical in-between area is.

I want to like him and I want him to like me and I want us to be comfortable around each other. I want us to hold hands when we walk around. And I want to be twirled around and kissed. I want to jump up on him and ruffle his hair.

I want it to turn into something if that’s what’s right and stay the same if it’s not. 

I want to stay up until the suns up because we find each other genuinely interesting. 

I want it to be easy, no pressure to impress the other person. I’ll be me and you be you.

I want there to be cheap food and bad alcohol.

I want to be surprised when I least except it with nothing other than their company and maybe an awful movie. I don’t want you to think you need to woo me with fancy dates.

I think this is perfection.

A sweet and simple thing. Spring leading into summer. Laying together in the grass. Not talking. Breathing.

Easy.

Loving. 

Passionate and soft at the same time.

Like the nerves of a first kiss mixed with the touch of a known lover.

I guess. I’m just lonely. 

In the shower tonight

I looked down at myself and thought
Damn I’m fat.

And then I realized that I wear a size 1 in my jeans, and usually an XS top. How sick is it that we live in a society where I see myself as fat?

Then I got angry about this.

And then I just felt fat again.

• He tells you you’re not disgusting even if half your brain is leaking out through your nose and you clearly do look gross
• You have someone to cook you soup or bring you popsicles or produce some other form of sick people food for you
• You don’t have to stay up all night watching movies/tv/whatever you find on Netflix by yourself like a loser
• You have someone to cuddle when you’re shivering
• You get kisses even though he knows you’ll probably infect him with your sickness