Right now I want to be in Arizona.
Or anywhere in the sun.
I want to be close with someone.
I don’t want to be dating, and yet I don’t want to be casual.
I want to be whatever that magical in-between area is.
I want to like him and I want him to like me and I want us to be comfortable around each other. I want us to hold hands when we walk around. And I want to be twirled around and kissed. I want to jump up on him and ruffle his hair.
I want it to turn into something if that’s what’s right and stay the same if it’s not.
I want to stay up until the suns up because we find each other genuinely interesting.
I want it to be easy, no pressure to impress the other person. I’ll be me and you be you.
I want there to be cheap food and bad alcohol.
I want to be surprised when I least except it with nothing other than their company and maybe an awful movie. I don’t want you to think you need to woo me with fancy dates.
I think this is perfection.
A sweet and simple thing. Spring leading into summer. Laying together in the grass. Not talking. Breathing.
Passionate and soft at the same time.
Like the nerves of a first kiss mixed with the touch of a known lover.
I guess. I’m just lonely.
In the shower tonight
I looked down at myself and thought
Damn I’m fat.
And then I realized that I wear a size 1 in my jeans, and usually an XS top. How sick is it that we live in a society where I see myself as fat?
Then I got angry about this.
And then I just felt fat again.