I always end up liking guys who feel pretty apathetic towards me

So clearly the solution is to be with a guy who I feel apathetic towards, but likes me a lot, right?

And they said relationships were complicated. Pfft.

There is a certain sting that comes along with hearing your ex talk about how crazy he is for his new love interest

And it’s not that I want him to be feeling that way about me, because god knows we’re both happier apart

But it’s that with a four year relationship behind me

And him acting like a love-sick puppy dog

I just wish someone was saying those beautiful things about me

“Describe me,” she said over their long since empty cups of coffee, that the waitress, too busy with her bangs and nail file, had neglected to refill.

“What do you mean?” he said back, with those eyes and that smirk.

“Describe me as you see me.”

“I cannot,” he said, so quickly that she was slightly taken aback and just responded with a blank stare. ”I cannot because you are your own thing. You are a completely different and unique set of traits. What would you have me say? That your eyes hold all your sorrows, swirling around like angry ocean waters, that you force to be calm and cover with grassy meadows of fake emotion? That your laugh haunts me in the early hours of the morning and I crave it like an addict that is itching for his next fix? That your touch is smooth and gentle like a mother deer caring for her fawn and yet sends shock waves through my being like a lightening bolt that hits a lone tree? That your body is literally perfection, that you are my muse, my goddess? I cannot describe you adequately because you are none of, and yet all of these things. You are your own words, your own song, your own symphony, and to describe you by describing other things only detracts from what you really are, which, to me, is perfection.”

——-

I was bored.

The total hipster boy in my class has his big-ass nerdy 90’s glasses on and his pants rolled up to just a completely ridiculous, mid-calf length.

I want to be mad about this, but I think I’m in love.

Let’s have a fast and reckless love

Let’s fall for each other too quick and too hard and say things too early but mean them in the moment we say them without caring if we’ll mean them tomorrow

Let’s spend this summer wrapped up in each other’s threads and unable to conceive of spending a moment apart

Let’s stay up too late and get up too early and take hazy drives to places we don’t know and park on the side of the road just to lay in the grass or pick berries

Let’s spend our nights reading books and doing homework and just laying together because we’d rather be busy together than busy alone

Let’s label ourselves as star-crossed lovers and makes jokes about our future like we have a past

Let’s act like this is doomed and make every moment count with fiery passion and heart-felt gazes

Let’s laugh at other couples and how they let their lust subside and then kiss hard against the nearest wall

Let’s share our deepest secrets and eat too much and not call ourselves anything other than friends even though we’re both dying to be more

Let’s stay together until the sun starts setting earlier and our skin stops turning dark from it’s amber glow

Let’s part ways even though we can’t bear it to preserve this perfect memory this perfect summer together

And then at the last second

If this is what you really want

Let’s turn back to each other and accept that this can no longer be a doomed passionate love but one of comfort and knowing

And then

And only then

Let’s love each other until we burn out the sun

Have you ever purposely taken every single step that lead you to where you are and when you got there freaked the fuck out?

Because that’s where I am right now. I actively pursued this and now I just want to rewind a bit. Or at least pause.

Can’t we just keep things sweet and happy forever?

I’m not ready for the part where we get comfortable. I want it always to be exciting butterflies.

But alas, I took these steps myself.